I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
