oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Brb crying the tears of my youth
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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