If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize