Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
