It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
