This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
