I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
