i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
