do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize