I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
