Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize