I want you more than these girls want KFC
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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