Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
