so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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