Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
