I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
