Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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