It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Still dying that you shit outside
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
