If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
only you would photoshop your dick
Are my feet made of real feet?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
