i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
