Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
