She's JV to your varsity
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
