the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
