So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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