I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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