Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
