I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
