i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
