Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
