I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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