kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
