Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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