I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
