I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
