fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
