I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
