He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize