It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
