all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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