i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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