Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
