let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
