Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dignity is for republicans.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
