So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize