This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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