Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
