I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Your cock deserves a montage
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
