Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
