Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
