He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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