i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
