Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
