I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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