walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
