somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
