you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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