Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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