After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
