I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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