Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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