I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
