I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
