How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
