You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
