i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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