she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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