We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
